Buses, Bullies, and Bystanders
By: Julia Daley
I’ve been bullied my entire life, and that’s no hyperbole—there’s some old VHS recordings of myself as a three-year-old crying at the way other children were treating me. As a weird, strange kid, I made the perfect target for all sorts of bullies; as an eccentric adult, I’ve experienced bullying less often, but it nevertheless still happens on occasion.
Of course, I’m a writing teacher and, instead of telling you all about my myriad experiences of bullying, I’m going to show you just one. This story isn’t the worst example of bullying I’ve faced—in fact, it’s pretty unremarkable in most regards—but it’s the only one that, to this day, makes me emotional to recount. While you read my story, pay attention to the three roles that characters must fulfill in any tale of bullying: bully, victim, and bystander.
School Bus Story
Yes, this story takes place on a school bus. In the USA, many school districts provide free transportation in the form of yellow buses for students. I was one of those students. From my first year of elementary school to my last year of high school, I took the same bus route to and from school every day, as like most students in the US, I attended the schools that were closest to my home. The walls of the school buses were metal, and the seats were made of dark green pleather. There were roughly 35 rows of seats on my school buses, and each seat could comfortably hold two students, though when the bus was crowded it was entirely possible to cram a third student in.
I can’t speak for other school bus routes, but on mine, there was an unspoken seating hierarchy that we all followed. The front third of the bus was for the quiet, shy kids; the closer someone sat to the driver, clinging to that illusion of refuge only the presence of an adult can provide, the more vulnerable the kid was perceived to be. The middle third of the bus was for the socially well-adjusted kids, generally popular and well-liked; of course, these kids showed no mercy to anyone who dared to sit in their region before they’d been deemed worthy. The back third of the bus was for the rebellious kids: goths, emos, punks, punk-goths, or any other high school stereotype you can think of that prefers to dress all in black. Their domain was noisy and wild and far too intimidating for anyone to sit there who didn’t enjoy wearing clothes in dark monotones.
This story takes place when I was a third-year in high school, at 16 years old. I preferred sitting in the front third of the bus (not the very front!) because it was quieter, and I’d just gotten my first iPod (the original iPod Shuffle) and enjoyed listening to my carefully curated playlist of 100 metal songs. One day, early in the school year, two new girls got on the bus. Their hair was artfully wavy, the diameter of their hoop earrings was as wide as their heads, and their artificial fingernails were pointed daggers. They’d arrived a bit late, so there were few seats left, and they were far too nervous to try and sit in the middle of the bus. The pair wound up choosing the seat in front of me, which was already occupied by a quieter girl who dutifully accepted the discomfort of squeezing up against the window to accommodate them.
There was a bit of a commotion during the ride home that day. The bus had reached the stop for the quiet girl sitting in front of me. She stood up to get off, but the two new girls were not making any attempt to move out of the seat to let her pass. She stood awkwardly, unsure how to proceed, while the bus driver and everyone else turned to watch this unexpected delay in the schedule. Annoyed at the injustice, I took out my earphones and said something to the two girls—what exactly, I can’t remember, but definitely with the kind of sarcastic tone only teenage girls have perfected. They glared at me but, with mild grumbling, eventually relented and let the quiet girl get off the bus. I thought nothing more of the encounter and popped my earphones back in as the bus resumed its route.
The very next morning, I was sitting alone in my usual seat, jamming away to my music as the bus took us to school. At the last pick-up point, the two new girls got on and proceeded to sit next to me. They made a real point of squishing me against the walls of the bus with all the force they could. I didn’t react, other than to keep my body as rigid as I could to give myself some breathing room against the crushing weight they were imposing on me. They said lots of things to me (none of which was fit for print), loudly enough that not only could I hear them through my earphones, but so could the other kids in my area of the bus. In English and Spanish—they were bilingual—they nitpicked my clothes, my hair, my face, my body, my personality, my supposed sexual expertise. I pretended to ignore them, keeping my face as emotionless as I could, but I heard everything and felt more than I showed.
For weeks on end, the two girls sat next to me on the bus, every morning and every afternoon. No one else dared to occupy that seat. The torment slowly escalated as the pair egged each other on. They pinched me with their sharp nails, leaving deep bruises all over my left side, the side they could reach. My right side wasn’t spared, either. They made sure to shove me harder and harder against the window, leaving me sore and aching. They pulled my hair, but were careful to do so somewhat discreetly so that their movements didn’t show up over the high backs of the pleather seats on the security cameras pointed at us all.
Ignoring them wasn’t working, so I tried pinching back. They just prodded me harder, sometimes drawing blood through my clothes with the scratches they’d leave. I attempted insulting them, but they’d just laugh at my feeble efforts and redoubled their own creative put-downs. Escape wasn’t an option, as the school bus was the only means I had of going to school; I didn’t know how to drive yet, and even if I did, I couldn’t have afforded either a car or a parking space at my school.
As the weeks dragged on, the front of the bus became quieter and quieter. The eyes of the driver and the other kids slid over me as I got onto the bus. It felt like everyone knew and everyone saw what was happening (at least among those sitting at the front of the bus), but no one was going to do anything about it. I didn’t really blame them—those kids sat at the front of the bus for a reason, and I’d long ago learned not to expect any assistance from adults in these kinds of situations.
The relentless humiliation turned into frustration—why won’t these girls stop already?—and started turning into a cold rage. I started daydreaming of ways that I could hurt these girls and get them to finally leave me alone. I felt like a volcano that was about to erupt. I knew that soon, security-cameras-be-damned, I was going to explode if things continued on much longer.
I vented to a friend briefly one day at lunch in a vain attempt at releasing some of the hot steam and delaying the inevitable for a bit longer, telling her about what was happening on the bus. My red-headed friend had used to ride the same bus as me, but she’d gotten herself her driver’s license that year and was now driving herself to school. Talking with her made me feel somewhat better because she was always the kind of friend that was good at making you feel heard. That relief helped me gird myself for more trips on the bus.
The following afternoon, after my chat with my friend, I got on the bus to go home as usual. I was one of the first on the bus, and I went to my normal seat. The other kids started showing up and getting on the bus too. Everything seemed normal, until it wasn’t. The kids who normally sat at the back of the bus? They started sitting around me. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by a gothic horde. They were talking with me and joking around, asking to share my earphones and listen to some of the metal music on my playlist. The front-of-the-bus kids were confused but made their way to the middle of the bus; the popular kids gingerly made their way to the back, unsure what to make of this situation. I didn’t really know what was going on either, at least, not until my red-headed friend got on the bus, too; then I understood what she had done for me.
The last students to get onto the bus that day were the two girls with their large hoop earrings. Their eyes were wide at the sight before them. One seat, the seat right behind the driver, had been left open just for them. With backs straight and shoulders tense, they sat quietly and never once looked behind them. As far as I can remember, none of my “black knights” said anything to the pair on the ride home.
The back-of-the-bus kids, just by sitting with me and talking with me, made it clear to everyone on the bus that even though I didn’t wear all-black and chose to sit in the front of the bus, I was still their friend. It’s hard to describe how I felt during that surreal bus ride home: a mixture of belonging, relief, surprise, joy. Every time I retell this story, I relive it, and the emotions are just too profound to put into words.
After that day, the seating hierarchy returned to normal. The two girls never rode the bus again. I have no idea how they got themselves to school, but the sheer relief of their absence eliminated any curiosity I might have had about them. Once in a while, one of my black shirt friends would sit with me and listen to my playlists (what can I say, I have pretty good taste in metal music). My red-headed friend went back to driving herself to and from school. I don’t know if I ever thanked her properly after that day, but I hope she knows that I’m still very grateful to her.
The (Brief) Science of Bullying
Now that you’ve seen what bullying can look like, let’s take a closer look at what psychological research has to tell us about bullying and the people involved. Bullying can be best defined as “… aggressive goal-directed behavior that harms another individual within the context of a power imbalance” (Volk et al., 2014, p. 327).1 First, it’s important to understand that bullying happens at all ages and is not the childhood “rite of passage” it’s often dismissed as being; still, it is worth noting that bullying peaks in adolescence, where it is at “epidemic levels,” with somewhere around 30% of teenagers around the world having been targets of bullying in a given month (Armitage, 2021).
The next key point that makes a situation bullying is the power imbalance that must be present between the target and the aggressor; bullying involves “punching down” at a victim who cannot fully defend themselves. Bullying can take many forms, such as physical bullying (pushing, shoving, pinching, kicking), verbal bullying (insults and derogatory comments), relational bullying (exclusion, spreading rumors, ostracization), and cyberbullying.2 Both girls and boys can engage in bullying behaviors, though the forms of their bullying behaviors can vary based on their gender: boys are more likely to use and experience physical forms of bullying, whereas girls tend towards verbal and relational bullying. The animated short film are you okay? is a heart-wrenching but accurate example of all four of these forms of bullying in action.
1 Many definitions of bullying still include the phrase “repeated behaviors,” but this is controversial in the research as even a single, intense instance of bullying can have a dramatically harmful effect on a victim.
2 Bullying can have elements of sexual harassment and racial, gender, and/or religious discrimination as well. However, the actual techniques will generally include one of these four forms.
Remember the task I gave you from before? Let’s take a closer look at the three main characters of any bullying story—the bullies, victims, and bystanders—and what science has to say about them.
Bullies
Bullies, or those who engage in bullying behaviors, are separated into two main types: bully-victims, which make up about 20% of bullies, and “pure” bullies, who are the other 80%.
Bully-victims, or the troubled kids who take out their pain on others, often fit with the stereotyped image of what we expect bullies to look like. The majority of bullies, however:
…are people who typically aren’t being picked on by other people. They don’t have deficits in self-esteem and mental health and what they lack is a sense of humility which gives them this personality trait that’s really predatory… If you’re low in humility, the opposite of that is arrogance. You think you’re better than others and if you take that perspective it’s pretty easy to understand how that makes you want to take advantage of other people because, well, you’re better… (Poole, 2019)
Bullying is about achieving goals and is a premeditated behavior, so what, then, do bullies hope to gain out of all this? Looking at bullying through an evolutionary lens reveals “Five Rs” that can help us understand the potential benefits of this misbehavior: Reputation, Resources, deteRrence, Recreation, and Reproduction (Volk et al., 2022):
- Reputation: bullies seek to improve their social dominance. They are often perceived as being popular by their peers.
- Resources: bullies get tangible benefits for their behaviors, be it in the form of lunch money, scholarship opportunities, job promotions, etc.
- Deterrence: bullies want to secure their position and prevent a loss of status. Their behavior signals to others that the bully shouldn’t be messed with.
- Recreation: some bullies enjoy their behaviors and feel good about putting others down. This isn’t quite to the level of sadism, but at the same time can explain a common excuse for bullying of “we were just playing around.”
- Reproduction: bullies, especially in adolescence, have more dating experience than their peers. Sometimes their bullying is an attempt to impress a potential partner.
So, bullying can generate a lot of benefits to bullies, but it also does come at a cost. Generally speaking, while bullies may be popular, they are not very likable. They can struggle to develop good relationships due to the strong dislike they engender in their peers (Volk et al., 2022). Bullies are more likely to develop substance abuse disorders, be abusive towards their partners and children, and have trouble with the law.
What did the two girls in my story gain from bullying me? Well, being new to the bus, they needed a way to establish their reputations and fit themselves into the hierarchy. Thus, bullying me became a public way for them to display their dominance and also deter anyone else from bothering them. They gained a resource as well, in an assured seat that would always be available to them. It certainly seemed like they enjoyed the torment, in the sense that it was becoming something like a game to them, and they egged each other on to escalate their bullying of me. The girls were very fashionable, and I was not, so being part of the dating game may well have been important to them.
Victims
Bullies pick their targets carefully: they want someone who will not be able to retaliate, and someone whose torment will help bullies achieve their goals. Victims are perceived to be weaker than their bullies, be it physically or mentally, or in terms of oratory or intellectual prowess, or perhaps as a member of a racial/sexual/religious minority (Volk et al., 2014). Skilled bullies can expertly identify the weaknesses in their targets and can successfully attack them without any fear of repercussions.
Bullying can take an immense toll on victims. Social rejection is a major source of stress, and repeated victimization makes targets more prone to depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation (Evans et al., 2018). Victims’ sense of belonging can be seriously shaken by bullying, especially if it continues for an extended length of time (Armitage, 2021). This makes it difficult for victims to build friendships, furthering their social isolation (Nansel et al., 2001). Victims suffer reduced performance at school and/or work. All that stress can cause physical health problems for victims, including headaches, stomach problems, reduced sleep quality, and more.
The initial victim3 in my story, the quiet girl, was an excellent first target for my bullies. Not only was she physically smaller than the two bullies, but she was also neurodivergent (something I learned much later as I got to know her better) and struggled with regulating her emotions. Faced with a suddenly frustrating situation, she clammed up and could not defend herself from the bullies. If I hadn’t stepped in, they likely would have continued on tormenting her as their preferred target.
3 Later on, in a different context, the quiet girl took on the role of bully in her own desperate quest for higher status. As far as the research goes, that would classify her as a bully-victim.
I was another great victim, at least at first—I sat alone, and when I spoke up for the quiet girl, the bullies saw that no one else joined me. That lack of peer support meant I could be safely targeted next. I, too, was neurodivergent (though I wouldn’t be officially diagnosed until 14 years later), and that led me to struggle in navigating social situations, especially in the heat of the moment, and any attempts at a witty comeback usually just resulted in more humiliation as onlookers laughed at my verbal flubs. Finally, having been bullied so many times before, my self-esteem was quite low, and I was experiencing depression as well (which was finally getting treated at this point in my life). I had internalized the idea that something was wrong with me in a major way and that I deserved all the bullying I’d been getting. That lack of self-confidence meant I didn’t resist the bullying as it began, which reinforced to the bullies that I was a risk-free target.
Bystanders
If you think of bullying as a performance, then that means there must be an audience: the bystanders. Bystanders can take passive or active roles, whether by quietly watching while the bullying takes place (and thus tacitly accepting it), laughing at the victim’s humiliation, or even by egging on the bully to escalate their behaviors. Bullies rarely target victims without onlookers present, as many of their goals rely on their performance being witnessed by their peers (Volk et al., 2014). Thus the actions, and inactions, of bystanders have a major role in any bullying situation, and that is why they are often the focus of anti-bullying initiatives.
Bystanders can have the power to stop bullying, but only if they are at an equivalent (or higher) social rank as the bully(ies) (Ellis et al., 2015). As we saw in my story, there is a significant risk when an onlooker lacking enough social status attempts to intervene on behalf of a victim: they could instead become the new target. This very real fear of being the next victim often keeps bystanders on the sidelines, which is only to the benefit of the bully and achieving their goals (particularly deterrence). Bystanders can carry feelings of guilt and shame for not stepping in, and that inaction can take its toll on them, increasing their risk of experiencing depression, anxiety, and/or substance abuse (Rivers et al., 2009).
Interventions, when done right, can look like what happened with the kids at the back of the bus in my story. They had numbers on their side, as well as equivalent—or possibly higher—social status as the bullies. Their group action changed the calculus for my bullies, reversing my ongoing victimization from one that benefited the two girls to one that was far too costly to engage with any further. My knights-in-black-leather made it clear that I had the support of a large peer group, one that was willing to come to my aid when needed. If only every victim of bullying could expect a similar rescue from their bystanders.
Intervention & Prevention
It’s not all doom-and-gloom in bullying research. Fortunately, there’s promising studies showing that most interventions work at a school level in preventing bullying behaviors (Gaffney et al., 2019), though some work better than others depending on the cultural context (which can affect the forms that bullying takes). Schools, in particular, can look to adopt comprehensive anti-bullying programs, which “include intervention elements at multiple levels, including the school, class, parent, peer, and individual level” (Gaffney et al., 2019, p. 27). A few anti-bullying programs include the KiVa Program, NoTrap!, and the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program among many others, including some that are still in the developmental process.
One of these promising new programs, the Meaningful Roles Intervention, takes a “carrot-and-a-stick” approach, one that raises the costs of bullying behaviors while rewarding prosocial ones (Ellis et al., 2015)4. One example is to give students important jobs in the school and classroom, like “class greeter” or “discussion leader,” that give them the social status they crave. Recognizing bullies’ needs and finding safe ways for them to realize them can seem counterintuitive, almost as if we’re rewarding bullies for their bad behaviors. However, if we approach this problem as teachers, we can look at things instead as a problem of how to better educate students in appropriate ways of socializing with their peers.
4 If you only read one study referenced in this piece, choose this one! It includes a detailed and fascinating plan on implementing the program that is difficult to fully summarize in just a few sentences.
Final Thoughts
It’s hard to talk about bullying without getting emotional about it, at least for me. My life has been profoundly impacted by bullying. I was tormented at my own birthday parties, and so I stopped having them. The resulting low self-esteem has haunted my professional career, leading to an ongoing struggle with imposter phenomenon5. It’s hard to shake this deep-seated fear that if my mask slips, people will realize that I don’t belong and will bully me again. Making friends remains a challenge, as I went many years genuinely liking my bullies and thinking they were my friends (again, they were often popular kids!), only to be truly hurt when I finally recognized their ill-treatment of me.
That story I shared was the only one where anyone–ever–stepped in to help me. Just once, out of so very, very many painful memories. I think I had become dangerously close to losing all faith in humanity, but after being rescued by the kids at the back of the bus, I realized there is goodness to be found in people, even those who might at first-glance seem intimidating. I’ve since developed a much healthier mindset of “assumed good intentions” of the people around me.
I even have some sympathy now for the two girls from my story. They were very likely insecure and lacked the skills to achieve the social status they wanted in a more positive way. I hope things got better for them, so much so that they never needed to resort to such awful tactics ever again. With so much research being done on understanding and preventing bullying, I don’t think it’s naive of me to hope that one day, bullying will become a very rare–or dare I dream nonexistent–problem in society.
5 More popularly known as Imposter Syndrome.
References
- Armitage, R. (2021). Bullying in children: impact on child health. BMJ Paediatrics Open, 5(e000939). https://bmjpaedsopen.bmj.com/content/5/1/e000939
- Ellis, B. J., Volk, A. A., Gonzalez, J.-M., & Embry, D. D. (2015). The meaningful roles intervention: An evolutionary approach to reducing bullying and increasing prosocial behavior. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 26(4), 622-637. https://brocku.ca/volk-developmental-science-lab/wp-content/uploads/sites/124/JRA-Ellis-et-al-2016.pdf
- Evans, C. B.R., Smokowski, P. R., Rose, R. A., Mercado, M. C., & Marshall, K. J. (2018). Cumulative bullying experiences, adolescent behavioral and mental health, and academic achievement: An integrative model of perpetration, victimization, and bystander behavior. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 27. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6112108/
- Gaffney, H., Farrington, D., Ttofi, M. (2019). Examining the Effectiveness of School-Bullying Intervention Programs Globally: a Meta-analysis. International Journal of Bullying Prevention. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/331260516_Examining_the_Effectiveness_of_School-Bullying_Intervention_Programs_Globally_a_Meta-analysis
- Nansel, T. R., Overpeck, M., Pilla, R. S., Ruan, W. J., Simons-Morton, B., & Scheidt, P. (2001). Bullying behaviors among US youth: Prevalence and association with psychosocial adjustment. JAMA, 285(16), 2094-2100. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2435211/
- Poole, T. (Host). (2019, September 4). CBC Podcasts. (2019). What’s the science behind bullying? (Season 2, Episode 3) [Audio Podcast Episode] . In Tai Asks Why. CBC Podcasts. https://www.cbc.ca/radio/taiaskswhy/here-s-why-people-bully-and-how-we-can-stop-it-1.5269665
- Rivers, I., Poteat, V. P., Noret, N., & Ashurst, N. (2009). Observing bullying at school: The mental health implications of witness status. School Psychology Quarterly, 24(4), 211-223. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232891077_Observing_Bullying_at_School_The_Mental_Health_Implications_of_Witness_Status
- Volk, A. A., Dane, A. V., & Al-Jbouri, E. (2022). Is adolescent bullying an evolutionary adaptation? A 10-year review. Educational Psychology Review, 34(4). https://www.researchgate.net/publication/363298856_Is_Adolescent_Bullying_an_Evolutionary_Adaptation_A_10-Year_Review
- Volk, A. A., Dane, A. V., & Marini, Z. A. (2014). What is bullying? A theoretical redefinition. Developmental Review, 34(4), 327-343. https://brocku.ca/social-sciences/child-and-youth-studies/wp-content/uploads/sites/149/Volk_Dane_Marini-2014-Bulling-Redefinition-1.pdf
Julia Daley is the new Assessment Coordinator at Hiroshima Bunkyo University and received her Masters in TESOL from Northern Arizona University. She’s certified to teach Secondary English in the state of Arizona. She’s taught English writing and conversation in many classrooms in the US and Japan. She’s forever grateful to her friends who sat at the back of the school bus she took to school when she was a student.